On February 12, Sr. Colleen sat down with Father Dave Dwyer, CSP, host of the Busted Halo Podcast, to talk about loss, presence, and how faith and community can hold us when words fall short. Read a summary and excerpts from their discussion below, and listen to the full conversation here: bustedhalo.com/podcasts/how-to-be-present-to-someone-grieving-with-sister-colleen-gibson
We all walk through different seasons of life, and Father Dave welcomes Sister Colleen Gibson to discuss accompanying those in times of grief. Sister Colleen belongs to the Sisters of Saint Joseph [of Philadelphia], and co-hosts the “Beyond the Habit” podcast. She currently serves as the Coordinator of Pastoral Care at St. John-St. Paul Catholic Collaborative in Wellesley, MA, where among many things she helps run a bereavement ministry called “Seasons of Hope.”
Sister Colleen first discusses her religious order. “Sisters of St Joseph are ready for any good work. We were founded in the 17th century and were one of the first apostolic communities of women religious, which means we went outside of the cloister,” she says. “We were founded by a Jesuit priest and our charism — or the gift that we share with the world — is that we love God and neighbor without distinction. It’s very broad, but we’re all about relationship and unioning love. So we bring people together to love God and to love one another, and to say there’s no distinction between our neighbors. We should love everyone.”
They next discuss her work in grief ministry. “Nobody thinks that they’re ever going to join the club of having lost a loved one,” Sister Colleen says. “It’s a club that nobody signs up to join, and yet people find themselves a part of. We create a space where people can minister to one another; It’s really peer-to-peer ministry. Then there are facilitators, such as myself and other pastoral care workers, who sit with people and really listen to their story. [We ask] How can Jesus meet you in this space of grief? How can you find comfort in your faith and in community?”
“We provide reflections, and just the comfort of being in a space where it’s okay to share those deep emotions that people might otherwise shy away from,” she continues. “It’s okay to cry when we come together and to say that we move towards a season of hope. Each season of our life and each season of grief leads us to a deeper place in our faith. So how do we accompany one another, and how does God accompany us in that well?”
Father Dave notes that one challenge of this ministry is how everyone experiences grief differently. Sister Colleen shares, “I was with a gentleman tonight, right before I came to be with you. He said, ‘I just wish that I could be through this. I wish that I didn’t lose my wife, and I wish I could get back and be able to focus on the work that I want to do, but I can’t.’ [I said] to him, you know, that’s okay. That’s a piece of the grief journey.”
“We don’t judge one another in this space of grief and sharing, but we receive one another and don’t rush each other along. We meet each other where we’re at and say, How can I just simply hold the silence?” She says, “Sometimes there aren’t words to express what we’re feeling. There aren’t words that can touch into that deep sense of loss, but there is always the presence of other people that we can find that love in.”
Father Dave says, “I find more than any other kind of life event that people really just get tongue tied when somebody they know has lost someone. What advice do you give to anyone listening who’s kind of struggling with what to say when a friend has suffered loss?”
Sister Colleen responds, “I would say that first and foremost, is to ask how people are doing, and to really listen to what they have to offer. Don’t try to fix what is in front of you, because grief is not something that’s fixed. It’s something that we walk in.” Her next step is to offer support in a way that feels natural to your relationship with that person, such as preparing a meal, going for a walk, or watching a sporting event together.
“I think also reminding people of the gift of life. Letting people share memories of their loved ones, but also building new memories and figuring out new ways to mark things like holidays,” she continues. “When I sit with grieving families before a funeral, I always say, Tell me about your loved one and how did they make you feel? What did they teach you about yourself? How are you going to carry their legacy on? We’re not just mourning a loss; we’re celebrating life well.”